Tag: mom

Faith, Joy, Mom Life

Sowing and Collecting Seeds of Hope

I sprained my ankle in Memphis, which meant my life in Tennessee began with a large black boot on my left foot.

As I hobbled around our house, trying to unpack, I lifted a box of bubble wrapped dinner plates from a box, and was suddenly struck by a searing pain in my lower back that felt like I was being stabbed by a knife. The horrible, guttural scream that erupted from my body brought my family running to my side, one grabbing the stack of plates from my hands, the others trying to move me to the couch.

I spent the next two weeks unable to bend from the waist, down, and resigned myself to weeks of living surrounded by boxes and having my children be my hands and feet.

2017 contained so many truly challenging days.

But then there were the seeds of hope.

Like the checker at Walmart.

With my back out and my black boot on, my family and I navigated the local Walmart to buy groceries for our empty kitchen cupboards. It was the first big shop after our move…the kind where every condiment and spice needs to be purchased. As we stood in line, I suddenly found I just couldn’t stand anymore. I hobbled over to a bench and collapsed down, and I must’ve looked very miserable.

As Rich checked out, he began chatting with the cashier. She told him she moved to Murfreesboro from Australia…that God had randomly given her and her husband a vision of a church in Middle Tennessee. So, they left their comfortable, well-established life, and moved across the world. Within days, they found the church they had envisioned, and were settling into this new calling, and this new life, in Middle Tennessee.

She was working as a checker at Walmart, and said she felt like she was working exactly where God wanted her to be, because it gave her the chance to see so many people.

She looked over at me, and asked Rich, “What’s wrong with your wife?”

He explained that my back had gone out. She looked at her line of waiting customers, looked at me, then said, “I will probably get in trouble for this, but I can’t see a sister in so much pain and not pray for her.”

So, she prayed for me…and though the pain didn’t leave, I suddenly felt so much less alone. I felt seen, and as if someone actually cared.

When does something like that EVER happen at a Walmart?

When I think about it, my life has been speckled with those types of incidents…those seeds of encouragement that got me through.

Like the guy at Dollar Rent A Car who gave Rich and I a ride to a hotel the night our car broke down…he had moved to San Jose from Chicago, and was a Cambodian refugee. His family was brought over from Cambodia in the 1970s, and a church sponsored them, paying their rent, teaching them American customs, and helping them learn a new way of life in a new country. He said he wasn’t really into religion, but he always looked for ways to help people, because of that church, and what they did for his family. He drove us, perfect strangers, from the air terminal to our hotel a few miles away, in his personal car, at the end of his shift. When does that ever happen at an international airport?

On a Proverbs 31 podcast, Founder Lisa Terkheurst talked about her husband, who vowed one Christmas to do something each day to help or encourage someone mentally, physically or emotionally.

I loved that vow because if you do that every day, it means that 365 people will be blessed by the end of a year. That’s 365 people walking around, feeling seen, and valued and loved.

That’s what the Walmart checker did…and the guy from Dollar Car Rental…and many, many more friends and family who have served as little points of light and hope during the many seasons of my life.

There is power in one person’s encouragement.

Sometimes a smile, a prayer, a car ride, or someone who offers to sit with your kids while you order your Chick Fil A…is the little seed of hope you need to get you through.

Mom Life, More Posts

Ten Truths for Moms Who Are Sick

It’s inevitable. Despite the copious amounts of Airborne I have injested in the last five days, my body has succumbed to a cold. It’s a nagging, dragging sort of cold that leaves me wanting to do nothing other than sleep. Except I’m a mom…and everyone knows motherhood doesn’t stop, just because you’re sick!

And I am sick.

Still, work must be done, dinner needs to be made; the dishes need to be washed; and kids need to be read to, and kissed goodnight, when all I want to do is go to sleep.

I’m partly writing this blog post to whine…because really, it’s so unfair to be both sick, and a mother, at the same time.

But the other reason I’m writing it is to share this unique experience with other moms…so when your time comes to get sick, you will know you are not alone in your misery! Here is my list of truths about being sick as a mom:

ONE: You will get sick – I know you don’t have time for it. Your schedule is full. Life doesn’t STOP when you are a mom, ever…but you WILL get sick at some point, and likely at a very inopportune time.

TWO: You will do your best to not acknowledge the fact you are sick for as long as possible. This is because (once again) you are a mom and your life doesn’t stop, and you just don’t have time for it. Generally, this truth leads you to the next one:

THREE: When you finally do acknowledge it, you are so sick, you go a little crazy because you have pushed yourself to physical limits far beyond what is wise. Maybe this causes you to blow up at your kids; maybe you come home from work and lay down on the couch and do not move, even though children are literally jumping on top of you; maybe you look at your husband and make some sort of primal sound that means, “I am so sick I can’t verbalize my misery right now.” Hopefully he understands your primal sounds.

FOUR: When you finally acknowledge you are sick, others in your family will start to feel sick. Especially your husband. If you are a husband reading this, please understand YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE SICK AT THE SAME TIME AS YOUR WIFE. And if you are, DON”T TRY TO BE MORE SICK THAN YOUR WIFE, just to get out of doing whatever household chores must be done while she’s down for the count.

FIVE: While you are sick, your house will get messy, and probably kind of gross. You will spend your time thinking about how, if you just had energy, a quick run with the vacuum would do wonders for the house…but you don’t have the energy, so all you can do is think OCD thoughts about cleaning, and how you would clean if you could clean…

SIX: Life won’t stop. You will still need to figure out how to get your kids to school, go to the grocery store and make dinner, even if you feel awful. Hopefully your husband or a good friend will lend a hand…but if not, rest assured: Children can live a LONG time on microwaved chicken nuggets, canned green beans and toast. Ask me how I know.

SEVEN: The laundry piles will grow very high. You will have the same OCD thoughts about your laundry as you do about the rest of your messy house. You will fantasize about someone coming to pick up ALL Of your laundry, taking it to the laundromat, and returning it to you, folded and fresh. You will close the laundry room door, and pretend it doesn’t exist.

EIGHT: Your children will get sick, if they aren’t the ones who got you sick in the first place. One of the cruelest parts of parenthood is that, as soon as you start to feel better, someone else in the family is down for the count. In seasons like this, it seems like mere survival is a lofty goal.

NINE: You will miss out on time with friends. I remember one of the hardest parts of having small children was having to miss my local MOPS meeting when we were sick. It was my ONE chance to see other adults each week. See how sad this can be?

TEN: You will get better. And once you do, you’ll be amazed at the energy your healthy body has. Cleaning the house will not take long, and that room full of laundry will be tackled in one day.

The irony is that, once you return to the busyness of your “normal” life, you might just wish for a sick day so you can cancel all of your plans and just stay home…

Married Life, Mom Life, Work

What’s Harder? Homeschooling or Working Full Time?

So, it turns out that when you work a full time job AND have a family AND have a 40 minute commute each way, you end up with a lot less time for things like blog writing…

Despite the busyness and the packed schedule, my ideas keep flowing…so I will continue to write this blog, even though a brand new season of The Bachelorette (my guilty pleasure) is calling my name.

Yes, I will write… And I will tell you about this new chapter of life called “Life As a Full-Time Working Mom”. This chapter was written into my story following many other chapters of motherhood including:

Life as a mostly stay-at-home mom
Life as a business owner mom
Life as a mom of little tiny kids
Life as a mom of school aged kids
Life as a mom with a very sick spouse
Life as a mom who GETS PREGNANT AGAIN AT 40!
Life as a homeschooling, working mom with a newborn…

So, at this point, I figure that God wants me to have the perspective of what it is like to be many types of American moms, so I can fully relate to any mother I meet. Therefore, for this chapter of my life, I am working full time.

I am beginning a series where I answer various questions, and the first one is: Is it easier to be a full-time working mom, or a homeschooling mom?

That’s quite a question to start out with, isn’t it?

I am six months into being a full-time working mom, and it is both harder AND easier.

This morning as I drove off to work in my quiet car and listened to a podcast that had nothing to do with parenthood, while sipping my hot coffee ALL BY MYSELF, it felt like being a working mom was VERY EASY and VERY QUIET. Hot coffee and quiet have been nearly impossible to come by for the past 14+ years, and now, for 40 minutes to AND from work, I have both.

Over the past several months I’ve had a very heavy workload at work, learning the nuances of nonprofit bookkeeping, the culture of a new workplace, the names and personalities of dozens of wonderful people I’d never seen before, but who now fill my daily life…it has been very, very intense.

But it’s not anywhere near as intense as homeschooling two kids while running a small business. Or closing down a business and moving across the country with three kids, two cats and two fish…

At work, I am able to complete a task from beginning to end, several times each day. If someone interrupts me, they are extremely polite as they ask for my attention. I am able to delve deeply into troubleshooting many issues, and actually come to conclusions…unlike most of parenthood, which changes just as soon as you feel like you’re getting the hang of it…

So, the day to day life…it’s easier in many ways as a full-time working mom.

Here’s what’s hard:

  • Trying figure out a clothing style that doesn’t look completely like mom fashion, when you’ve been living in yoga pants for the past decade…or mountain fashion, when you’ve been living in the mountains for 20+ years.
  • When to get to the dry cleaner, and the doctor and the dentist…why does everyone keep 9 to 5 hours, when the rest of the world needs to work, too?
  • Sleep is also hard…if I stay up too late watching the rose ceremony on The Bachelorette, I still have to wake up to get to work on time the next morning, instead of letting me and the kids sleep in until we are ready to rise and greet the day.

But you know what is hardest? Missing my kids. Missing being there when they get home from school. Missing seeing my four year old make the day-to-day discoveries of that magical age. Having to catch up my kids’ days at the end of the day, instead of while they are going through it…that’s hard for me. My kids are my favorite people in the world, and it’s hard to have time with them limited by work…though I truly feel God has called me to this exact job and this exact point in time…

So I am thankful. Thankful for the contrast, and that I have spent nearly all of the past 14 years deep in the trenches of motherhood, living every single day alongside my children.

Thankful that Rich gets to be with our kids in a new way, spending loads of time with them as he lives out life being the official daily parent-on-duty.

Thankful for God’s palpable presence and direction in this chapter, just as He gave it in the last one.

And thankful for this new perspective on what it’s like to live life as a working mom.

Seeing all of the full-time working moms who now fill my life has convinced me of two things:

  1. They love their kids fiercely and well; and
  2. They are mentally strong, organized and admirable as they try to live out God’s call to steward their life at home AND in the workplace.

No one works as hard as working moms…except every other kind of mom. Motherhood is a lot of work, no matter how you live it out. And whether I’m home full time, or at work…being a mom is the best job I’ll ever have.

Faith, Married Life, Mom Life, Work

Searching For The Perfect Plan

After trying many planners, this is my favorite daily planner for homeschooling…and they also make a regular daily planner, as well.

Today I was supposed to go to work. I navigated the morning obstacle course of making lunch; feeding my little boy; getting dressed; and finally settled into the car with a fresh podcast loaded onto my phone…only to discover that work was cancelled for the day.

My plans changed.

Again.

No matter how much this last year has taught me, it still unsettles me when plans change. Especially when most days include unexpected diversions and disruptions.

The concept of “planning my day” became part of my daily vernacular in college, when I was introduced to my first “daily planner.” Ohio University issued official spiral-bound planners, which could be purchased at College Bookstore for a few dollars. Tests, quizzes, homework assignments and club meetings quickly filled in the pages of my life, and within a few months, I found myself living by this book. If something was written down in it, it happened…if not, it would be forgotten.

College was marvelously and fantastically predictable. Syllabuses were issued; books were studied; tests were taken…and I eventually received my diploma.

This standard protocol did absolutely nothing to prepare me for the realities of my adult life.

Immediately after I finished college, Rich and I took a six week road trip, with no plans other than to “go explore out west.” We loaded up his 1999 Nissan Sentra with food, a tent and clothing…space was so tight, I didn’t even pack a hair dryer. We spent four of those weeks in New Mexico and Utah, exploring the national parks, drinking Snapple and searching for any type of music on the radio…we were in the middle of nowhere…there were no iPods or Smart Phones in the 1990s…

I went from a completely planned life in college, where I could fully manage my time as I saw fit…to sleeping in a tent with absolutely nothing to do other than follow our whims.

It was tremendously unsettling, and a great introduction to the unpredictable life that was to come…

– First, business ownership (always working, even if we weren’t always at work).

– Then, having children (always a parent, even if you should be sleeping but someone randomly throws up / has a bad dream / heard a noise).

– Then, homeschooling (making plans, but having to be ever-flexible to your child’s needs for that day…times three, when you have three children).

– And now…becoming a working mom. Full time. As in…I am leaving the house every morning at the same time, and coming home and feeding my family…packing lunches, and doing it all over again the next day, five days in a row.

I find myself wanting to plan my life, much like when I was in college…making plans for meals, lunches, outings and dates with my spouse and kids…

But last week, I planned to go out on a date with Rich, only to be texted that my son threw up, just as we sat down for dinner. With so many disrupted plans, I am finding myself resentful of planning. I can’t live my life by my plans, because plans change. People get sick. Appointments are missed. Life is tiring, and sometimes I just want to sleep, sleep, sleep and forget ALL OF THE PLANS.

The past year has taught me that planning is a luxury. To meal plan for the week or month, you need to have money to buy all of your groceries ahead of time. To make plans for coffee with a friend, you must be able to predict that you will be able to leave your family at the allotted time, and actually meet her. To plan for outings or trips, you must be able to reasonably predict that you will have the time, money and energy to actually deliver on the plans.

So, when people say they live by their plans or their calendar, I think…you are so lucky. You are so blessed that your life is predictable, and has a steady rhythm. Sometimes people don’t live by plans because they can’t catch a break to actually make them. There are chapters in life like that, it seems…and sometimes it inadvertantly becomes a way of life…

Still, I try…

Because planning gives me the illusion of control over my life. A well-laid plan makes me feel like all the stuff of life will eventually be accomplished, and this gives me peace.

So, I will continue to plan our meals, search for good routines, look for slots of time when I can connect with each family member…and all the while, try to figure out how to have peace when the plans fall apart. I’ll try to live life working towards a plan (not berating myself if the plans are broken…again…)

I’m also realizing that it’s okay for the plan to be having NO PLANS…some chapters call for full immersion in the moment…afterall: “The heart of man plans his ways, but the Lord determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

You can plan your day, your month, your life, and in the end…it’s really up to God how it all works out.

Work was cancelled today, for example, but I had the time to write this post…

His plan was better than mine. It always is.

Living With School, Mom Life

My Official Excuse For Walking Around In Yoga Pants

To the other moms in the school drop off line:

I know I look like I just rolled out of bed. Because I did.

Last night, I went to bed with my hair wet, which is why my pony tail has this interesting geometric pattern right above the rubber band. Make up? Not yet…it’s too early for my eyes to focus that closely on my eyes…I’m in my 40s now, you know…

And this ratty tshirt? I wore it to train for two half marathons, and it’s my psych-up gear to lose weight again, after baby #3…even though baby #3 is now almost four years old. Having a baby in your 40s is most assuredly NOT good for the waistline. But still…there is history in these old clothes…inspiration beneath the ugly perspiration stains that I forgot about when I put on my t-shirt this morning…stains are so unfortunately apparent in the daylight…

After I drop my kids off at school, I will sip from my giant travel cup of coffee, drive my Camry home, boot up my Jillian Michaels workout video, and actually move my body.

Because here’s the truth:

Unlike fat, you can wash dirt and sweat away in the shower. So, I’ve purposely decided to stay dirty until after my workout each morning, because my shower is my reward…a reward for sweating, for making time to take care of me, for successfully launching my kids into another day at middle school…

But here’s another not-so-glamourous truth:

Sometimes, the workout doesn’t happen. Then the three year old keeps me busy, the big kids come home, and suddenly it’s 10PM at night, and as I put my pajamas on, I realize I FORGOT TO TAKE A SHOWER!!! I’m still in my yoga pants. (Which means I’ll have crazy geometric shaped hair again in the morning, because I’ll shower and go to bed with my hair wet, once again).

Which brings me to the overriding, universal truth that the other moms in yoga pants (or their pajamas) will agree with:

Motherhood is fantastically detrimental to personal hygiene. Some days, showering feels like a miracle, let alone putting on makeup or cute boots.

So, if you see me in the drop off line…or at the grocery store later today, and I’m STILL IN MY YOGA PANTS and funky t-shirt, please know that I KNOW I look a little crazy. And I realize that sometimes a temporary look becomes an unintentional fashion statement: The 2017 “Disheveled Mom” Look. It’s a look I rock far too often, but it’s one I’m willing to embrace because it’s a happenstance of the most wonderful job I’ve ever had: Being my kids’ mom.

(And at least the yoga pants look is better than the sweatsuits of the 1980s…don’t you agree?)

View More